We're all Jewish

When I tell people that Jews are 2 percent of the US population, they don't believe me.

And there's a simple reason why: because we're all Jewish.

Well, almost all of us. There are some people who are not.

George W. Bush is not Jewish, for sure. Neither is Osama bin Laden. They are both happily non-Jewish together.

Also definitely not Jewish: Britney Spears. P. Diddy. The Donald. J-Lo. John Travolta. Tom Cruise looks like he should be, given that he's not far from Jason Schwartzman when you squint, but he definitely ain't. Paris Hilton and her ski-slope nose also look like it, but nope.

But everybody else is. Everybody in entertainment, music, comedy, politics, whatever.

Now some hide it. They change their names, like Ralph Lauren (ne Ralph Lifshitz) or Jon Stewart (AKA Jonathan Liebowitz).

Some hide it, kinda sorta, taking the lazy way out, and just ask you to pronounce their names differently. Steven Seagal, with accent on the end? No way -- he's Stevie Seagal, like da bird! Donna Karan. Vidal Sassoon. Sydney Poyter. Sure, he's spells it Poitier, but the name Sydney gives away the whole show.

And Sydney's not the only black Jew. There's Sammy Davis Jr, of course. (Ike Turner converted too, but we don't seem to mention it.) And, uh, Yaphet Kotto. And Al Sharpton, probably, since he dumped the tracksuits.

Of course if you're half black/half white, that white half is definitely going to be Jewish. Lisa Bonet. Goapele. Maya Rudolph. The totally hot Sophie Okonedo. The even more hot Jessica Beals. And of course Lenny Kravitz, who must be supercool to overcome the most Jewishy name ever.

Then there are the surprising Jews. It is well known that Bill Clinton, amazingly, is both Jewish AND black. (Hillary, of course, is neither.) Barack Obama manages to be black and Jewish as well, despite constantly claiming to be a Christian. Well, I have no reason to question that -- but he's one of us, I can feel it.

There are so many Jews that even many idiots are Jewish. Like Dee Snider, who's also a Republican. Really it's a good rule of thumb that any Jewish Republican is an idiot, like Douglas Feith or Paul Wolfowitz. What, Alan Greenspan too? Sure, he got us into the subprime mess -- him too.

There's more. Gene Simmons was born in Israel, for gosh sakes. Well, I'll write more later...

The Best Macaron

Pierre Herme vs. LaDuree. In a head-to-head battle, who has the better macaron?

CARAMEL:
Pierre has a great cookie, but too sweet a filling, while La Duree's filling is beautiful burnt caramel.

Winner: Pierre Herme. It just worked together better.

CHOCOLATE:
Winner: Pierre Herme: No question!

The rest of the flavors were hard to compare. Here are the capsule reviews from best to worst:

LA DUREE:
Diva: Great mix of "red fruit" and chocolates
Violet Cassis: surprisingly intense!
Lemon: very yellow! but mildly (boringly) flavored
Raspberry: too mild
Orange Blossom: really didn't gel.
Grenadine: no --almost bubblegummy.

PIERRE HERME:
Passion Fruit & Chocolate: A Pierre Herme classic. Rockin!
Plenitude: delightful mix of chocolate & caramel
White Truffle & Hazelnut: holy crap, this is a weird one! It tastes like truffle for sure. Not for everybody.
Rose: Pleasant, subtle

The overall winner: Pierre Herme! I have spoken.